Forgiveness

Many people apply various kinds of salve or balm to old emotional wounds, but this simply does not work. They may self-righteously fore-go overt and physical revenge, yet "take it out" or "get even" in many subtle ways. A typical example is the wife who discovers her husband's infidelity. Upon the advice of her minister and/or psychiatrist, she agrees she should forgive him. Accordingly she does not shoot him. She does not leave him. In all overt behavior she is a dutiful wife. She keeps the house neatly; she prepares meals well; and so on. But she makes his life hell on earth in many subtle ways by the coldness of her heart and by flaunting her moral superiority. When he complains, her answer is, "Well, dear, I did forgive you-but I cannot forget." Her very "forgiveness" becomes a thorn in his side, because she is conscious of the fact that it is proof of her moral superiority. She would have been more kind to him, and been happier herself, had she refused this type of forgiveness and left him.